Lately I have been finding myself very interested in the past. The appeal of living like a pirate on the seven seas or a wandering samurai for some reason calls out to my soul and I find myself feeling very anxious. You see right now I don't want anything more than to be able to just drop everything and go on an adventure. My life has become too routine. I want to wander the countryside and not know whats going to happen. I want to be a deckhand and and get the sails ready and go somewhere I have never been. I know that our society and our time does not really allow for anyone to live this way anymore. It is very unfortunate. But I can still go on some kind of adventure. Or can I? Whats holding me back? I'll tell you what is. Its fear.
Fear is the machines last resort. I am going to tell you guys a little bit about the machine, at least the machine as I understand it. The machine is what Karl Marx was worried about. The machine is control. The machine is a part of our everyday lives. In its essence the machine is the money monster. This is what the movie the Matrix was referring to in a way. The movies symbolism is a lot deeper though. It sounds crazy I know but this is what I believe. The machine promises riches but I think you have to give something of yourself up in order to get them.
You need money to do almost everything. To get money you need to go to school. To go to school you need to spend money. To get that money you have to get a job. Now you need that job to support your scholastics. I can't just hop on a plane and go to Japan for example. I have to many responsibilities. If I don't keep up with them. I won't live a happy life. This is the fear talking. Not me.
I have to get over this fear. I have to know that I do not need the machine to get by and make my dreams come true. I am the holder of the reigns of my destiny. I can stop bullets. Alright maybe I can't do that but hey maybe I can end a war somewhere. Only the future knows. But I still want the future to be now. And I want for that future to be a simple one like the past. I want it to be a future where I can go anywhere I want at the drop of a hat or do anything just because I feel like it. I don't want to worry about money. Worrying about money makes things go into depressions and depressions spiral downwards. But you can't get caught in the maelstrom and if you do, let the wind catch the sails and get out to calm waters.
Writing is therapeutic.
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The machine in Christianity is known as the world, in rock it's known as the man, in almost every aspect money is viewed as the root of all evil yet without it you can't do anything. The system is something everyone is aware of but no one really feels they overcome. The problem is even with loads of money and the ability to go anywhere and be spontaneous they still don't feel satisfied. No matter how you live in a matter of time it will become repetitive. The problem isn't the system but the belief to break away from it instead of learning it and manipulating it. By trying to be free of the machine we attack it from the outside looking in but to actually defeat it and really make a difference you need to go from the inside out.
ReplyDeleteI think many people can relate to what you are feeling. The urge to just get up and go at any given time. To have no sense of attachment or obligations. Just live for the moment. It sucks because not school, jobs or money can promise us that sort of freedom. We were all generally raised to "value" money so that is why we go to school get an education and get a job making good money. But i think those who dont ideolize money are free from that sense of fear you talked about. Enjoy life for what money can't buy.
ReplyDeleteAs a youth I remember listening to Rage Against the Machine. I really connected with De La Rocha's message: revolutionary politics and a desire to escape the confines of the American Dream. But as I grew older, perhaps out of fear, I learned that I was simply raging against myself. I was in revolution against my own desires. There was no other against which to direct my anger.
ReplyDeleteMy response to this conflict is to always try to achieve a balance between security and risk. Luckily, I have chosen a career path which allows me to escape the mundane. But I also choose to take risks within the confines of my profession. This helps keep my daily routine fresh and engaging, although it also creates considerably more work for myself...