I apologize

I want to take this time out right now and apologize to some of my teachers. Scholastic's have not been priority number one in the colorful collage that is my life due to a few reasons. First and foremost because I have been a bit under the weather lately. I contracted a terrible cold, one which reminded of my childhood because as kid I was sick often, and this cold did not allow for my attention to be focused on anything but getting better. A second reason is that quite frankly I have grown a little bit tired of the classes.

I do not mind Expository Writing because I enjoy writing and the professor just kind of lets us write about what we choose, and he is keeping me interested but as for my other classes, sadly this is not the case. Your homework has fallen into the annoying rank. Its not challenging in the way that if you try and apply yourself and get the assignment done, that you come out a better person and smarter. No, instead it is just tedious and annoying. Computers in Buisiness, you are too robotic, too mechanical, and too predictable. You have made Microsoft Office something I want to avoid for the rest of my life. I do not want to make cover sheets or presentations anymore. It is boring no matter how much you tell me how incredible the programs are. Speech class, I don't mind listening and learning, but making me act out a speech, not a fan. I am not a thespian and I don't really plan on becoming one. Sure its a chance to step out of myself. But I think myself is pretty cool. And as for accounting.-sigh-I am not going to get into it.

So I am sorry CIB, Speech, and accounting. You have all fallen short of my expectations. You are now a part of the mundane routine in which I associate my job. You still have time to redeem yourselves and I am a man who believes in giving chances. So I am still looking foward. Not to your homework assignments, but to your ability in putting excitement into education. I am sorry that I cannot get into the current material. I will make an effort but only on the condition that you all do the same. Tomorrow is a new day.

I gotta fix the flux capacitor

Lately I have been finding myself very interested in the past. The appeal of living like a pirate on the seven seas or a wandering samurai for some reason calls out to my soul and I find myself feeling very anxious. You see right now I don't want anything more than to be able to just drop everything and go on an adventure. My life has become too routine. I want to wander the countryside and not know whats going to happen. I want to be a deckhand and and get the sails ready and go somewhere I have never been. I know that our society and our time does not really allow for anyone to live this way anymore. It is very unfortunate. But I can still go on some kind of adventure. Or can I? Whats holding me back? I'll tell you what is. Its fear.

Fear is the machines last resort. I am going to tell you guys a little bit about the machine, at least the machine as I understand it. The machine is what Karl Marx was worried about. The machine is control. The machine is a part of our everyday lives. In its essence the machine is the money monster. This is what the movie the Matrix was referring to in a way. The movies symbolism is a lot deeper though. It sounds crazy I know but this is what I believe. The machine promises riches but I think you have to give something of yourself up in order to get them.

You need money to do almost everything. To get money you need to go to school. To go to school you need to spend money. To get that money you have to get a job. Now you need that job to support your scholastics. I can't just hop on a plane and go to Japan for example. I have to many responsibilities. If I don't keep up with them. I won't live a happy life. This is the fear talking. Not me.

I have to get over this fear. I have to know that I do not need the machine to get by and make my dreams come true. I am the holder of the reigns of my destiny. I can stop bullets. Alright maybe I can't do that but hey maybe I can end a war somewhere. Only the future knows. But I still want the future to be now. And I want for that future to be a simple one like the past. I want it to be a future where I can go anywhere I want at the drop of a hat or do anything just because I feel like it. I don't want to worry about money. Worrying about money makes things go into depressions and depressions spiral downwards. But you can't get caught in the maelstrom and if you do, let the wind catch the sails and get out to calm waters.

Writing is therapeutic.

A conveniance fee..... well isn't that conveniant.

So I was that Florida state fair today enjoying one of the greasiest cheese steaks my mouth has ever sampled, when my girlfriend asked me if I knew the date when tuition was due. As the great student that I am, I quickly and sloppily answered "Nope". She and I have scholarships so we do not have to pay the third day in or whatever is, our deadline is on a later date.

So as I continued to gorge on my greasy slice of heaven she brought up how if you choose to pay online, you get charged a fee of ten dollars. This fee is called a "convenience" fee I guess because it allows you to pay what you have to pay from the comforts of your home. I didn't really like having to drive all the way to campus just to pay my tuition off so i didn't really mind the fee itself. I just don't like how the cashiers office when about getting the fee the first year I heard about this online pay method.

You see a couple of semesters back I had tried to pay off my tuition on campus the way I had been doing my entire time in college,but for some reason this year I wasn't allowed to. they said bottom line I had to pay over the internet. Now when you pay online you are charged a convenience fee of Ten dollars. So for who is it convenient??

I do not know if this was just some bad luck or something but i know that if i am forced to pay a convenience fee when it is not convenient for me, its going to piss me off. I already drove all the way to campus so the leg work is done. There is no more convenience. So I thought I thought I should look into a little more so i did some research

I was looking into the topic of words that can be misleading and came across a very good point in an article called "The language problem" by Jesper Hermann. Hermann says:

Every human being brings with her or his engagement with words a lifetime of previous experience, and also applies it to communication with others. The assumption is that words we choose -must in some way- correspond to the notions entertained by others who use them....... each of us understands his own tinged version of the words we all use.... to such an extent that we sometimes wake up and realize that now my colour is too far away from yours, and must be corrected accordingly.

So an important thing to look into cashiers office. When you say that something is convenient it implies that there is something inconvenient. It is important to state in this instance for who the convenience is intended. Is it for you... or is it for me??? Is the online processing annoying so you're charging me ten dollars? or is my not leaving my home worth ten dollars? You see because my lifetime of experience with the word "convenience" when it pertains to me usually means its in my benefit. It just didn't seem this way in this particular occasion.

So in conclusion. If I choose to go pay my bill and I choose to deny the "convenience" option, don't make me have to pay it anyway. If you really want to charge me ten bucks, call it a processing fee or something.

over and out.

On laziness....

One of my least favorite things to do is forcing myself to do anything. The reason I hate these situations is that when I am in these situations I find it extremely difficult to let my inner essence come out. You see when my inner essence is free I am able to tackle anything, be it a question or obstacle, and I am able to tackle anything with ease. So I need to find a way to let my inner essence come out when I need it to..... Is the problem getting more complicated or is it just me??

In my attempt to make my inner essence more accessible, I am performing one of my least favorite activities. It is like trying to get warm by means of cold shower. Its just adding fuel to the fire. But for this problem it seems to be the only way to arrive to a solution... Even though it seems crazy.

So getting into my best "The Thinker" pose I begin to analyze the problem. Not two seconds into my introspection, the problem becomes obvious. The reason I do not enjoy forcing myself to do anything is because of the fact that as I grow I am becoming more and more lazy. This a shock to me personally. I thought that I was just enjoying relaxation.

The online Oxford English Dictionary says lazy means, as an adjective, "averse to labor, indisposed to action or effort." Understanding is a warm blanket.

In my analyzing of the problem I have somehow unlocked my inner essence and have slain my inner Grendel named laziness. I am no longer tormented by my desire to not desire to do anything. I am sitting here writing right now which is proof that I am now no longer against working.

In my quest to harness my inner essence, I have learned a few a things. One, that lazyness has to be put away in order to achieve anything, and two, that the English langauge is ridiculous in the way that there are so many ways to say the exact same thing. You have to love it.